Misery

As I sit here in front of my laptop, bored out of my skull, there are a couple of things that seem to be playing chase with one another in seeking my attention. One, my absolute HATRED for pop-ups. The Internet would be so much more fun without such irritants. Second, the fact that I did not pass my Part 1 Finals.

It's a pity that this 'diary' has to start on such a sour point in my life. I don't think I've ever actually felt this pain of not achieving something that I was so very sure of getting. I am so pissed off with me, and although I'm projecting this cool demeanour, in reality it's all a facade. I'm actually hurting and every once in a while, the thought of 'why the hell did you get yourself into this mess?' occurs to me. Granted it was less than 2 measly points, but it could have been so easily avoided. I'm surprised I haven't broken down into tears yet 'cause that's exactly how I feel every waking moment. It's like every minute of my life at the moment is similar to how I felt during that scene where Mufasa dies. I'm not crying yet, but I'm close to tears. I know I should pick myself up and move on, but one can't help but worry about the future. Then again, I know I'm made of sterner stuff, and that this is all just a test from the good 'ol Almighty, and that at the end of the day, I'll be a better person. Will I? Hope so. It's ok to get knocked down, as long as you get up to continue fighting. Ali said that, I think. Who cares? Whoever said it hit it right bang on the spot. Sigh...

It's been a sad, fucked-up week. But I look back, and I also see my friends being there for me and somehow, that stands out the most. The hugs, the pats, the attempts at jokes, the nasi lemak, the listening, the consoling... I'd have definitely felt a heck of a lot worse if it wasn't for these people. Even mama and papa were trying their best to sound ok. I'll be damned if I let all these people down. I'll get through this as much for them as for me. The faith that has been put in me will be repaid in full, plus interest!