Politikus

How to become a successful politician in Malaysia

1. Get yourself attached to an established politician, one who has a foreseeably bright future
2. Use said attachment to propagate your own networks and business deals
3. Do the necessaries to gain a Dato-ship
4. Attach yourself to a particular constituency and pump money into it via business deals above
5. Make the appropriate noise about defending your race against the onslaught of the Chinese/ Zionists/any Western country/ infidels
6. Recite the Quran every now and then in public. Quoting the Prophet is recommended as well
7. Assume a face of piety
8. Smile for the camera
9. Slowly gain a public face, but be wary of not saying too much to overshadow your ‘mentor’ until you’ve reached a stage where you can shrug him off
10. Likewise, build up a group of supporters who will swear blind that you’re the second coming of Christ
11. Discredit any politician that is even thinking of crossing paths with you. Failing which, get him to switch sides.
12. Master the art of answering ‘yes or no’ questions in mind-numbingly long sentences that may or may not have anything to do with the question

* note that intelligence and altruism are not compulsory