Revelations

Haven't written here in a while. A mixture of me being busy and me being lazy. Most of the time I'm planning ahead and am thinking of what to do once I get home (not too far away now!!), other times I'm just plodding along and doing the best I can in these last 2 weeks of gastro. Actually, I'm now entering my last week of gastro and I'm pretty sure I'll be missing it.

Before I know it, I'll be an SHO. Damn...

It's gonna be a tough few days though. On-call yesterday, post-take today, followed by another 3 on-calls in the next 4 days. Partly 'cause half the medical house officers are on leave at the moment, and partly 'cause the other half will be on leave later on. Hence the swaps.

Last weekend was a lil different, 'cause we met up with Oja, who's now happily enganged. I'd post a pic to show how control-ayu she was, but I'm on dial-up so I won't bother. We had an interesting time playing Win, Lose or Draw as well, in which Yus somehow managed to put on a good performance! Also bumped into Jo and had a long-delayed chat over milkshake. Which made me think that the usual dinner of the 3 of us is also long overdue.
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One of the most startling images that one can encounter is the face of a person who's usually cheerful and full of smiles after that person has been through a rough time. The lack of a sparkle in the eye, the feeling that a black hole has sucked the sun that was shining once before is almost palpable, and the initial reaction (in my case) is usually one of shock. And one can't help but feel like reaching out and giving them a hug, small difference though it might make.

This makes me think of a patient I saw the other day who had loads of self-inflicted cuts on her hands. Most of the medical staff who attended her were rather dismissive, but there's a reason behind every action no? Even if it might not be comprehensible or logical to everyone else. I used to punch walls once upon a time whenever I was extremely frustrated (I hardly show my true emotions in public, but there are moments of weakness in private) and that was helpful in not only enabling me to release the pent-up energy inside, but the pain also served as a distraction and helped in giving a physical entity to emotional pains that were not as tangible.

And there's natural endorphins, of course.

I'm not even sure what I'm babbling about. I guess we all have ways of harming ourselves (either consciously or subconsciously) and it always helps to have someone around who can either point out the obvious or tell us that things are never as bad as they seem. (they're usually worse)