Night 1

As is usually the case with the first night of well, night-duty, it's difficult to catch some sleep even if you have a bit of spare time at hand, primarily due to the inability of the body to change its sleeping pattern without undergoing a period of fatigue. I foresee myself having difficulties coping with the little amount of sleep that I'm bound to get since not only will I be on night duty for the next week, but Irene's coming tomorrow (which means I'll stay up more than usual during the day to ensure she's sufficiently entertained) and the weekend after that will see myself and Radzi beginning our 9-day trip to Spain, where I doubt we'll be sleeping very much.

All of which points to a very tiring beginning to the new year. But I ain't complaining, since I'm bound to have a good time in the presence of such company plus there's something to look forward to at the end of January, of which I shall receive confirmation in a few days.

Watched King Kong on Tuesday. I can't really remember the original movie, but I know that as a wee lad I was quite sad that the big gorilla was shot to death. And 3 scenes remained etched in mind - of King Kong climbing the Empire State Building, him picking up crocodiles that were the equivalent size of lizards and munching on them and King Kong undergoing one helluva heart transplant. I doubt all the scenes were from the original movie though, I think there were previous remakes but my memory fails me.

Peter Jackson seems to have done a good job of the remake 'cause just like LOTR, he managed to tell a good story without allowing the CGIs to overshadow the movie (despite the effects being really cool). I watched the Chronicles of Narnia right after King Kong, which wasn't a very good idea as it pales in comparison.

Around this time of the year, one tends to make up resolutions for the upcoming new year, something that I don't really have a fondness of doing. Having said that, I gave myself a few months 'till the end of the year to stay away from the books back when I graduated, just so that I can enjoy myself after having spent 5 years at uni with books in my face (although admittedly not as often as I should have had!). Which means that come the new year, I actually plan (for the first time in my life) to do more reading with the aim of not going 'Fuck fuck fuck!!' when I'm called to assess an emergency. At this point in time, I know I'm not a crap house officer but I know that I'm not an exceptional one either. How I'm going to balance reading with the 2 audits that I somehow got myself involved in is another matter.

I shall go and attempt to catch some shut-eye in a bit. Failing which, I'll stare at the ceiling and ponder over the events of the past year until the shrill sound of my bleep disturbs the peace.

Weechawawa!

As is the tradition with me and religious holidays, the weekend was spent doing a great deal of nothing. In retrospect, I realised that this was probably the first weekend that I had actually chosen to remain stationed in Carlisle, but I have no complaints as it was an utterly relaxing weekend and I guess we all need a bit of lazing around every now and again in order to get recharged.

The downside of having so much free time is that you tend to eat a lot. In the process, I have discovered that one of my favourite snacks is M&S’ stracciatella ice-cream sprinkled with M&S’ triple chocolate chunk cereal and a few slices of fresh strawberries. True indulgence, and I had to stop myself after my third bowl for the day. I have to say that I do feel rather unfit at the moment, and even more so after reading Adzim’s blog and his current fascination with all things triathlon.

I did manage to finish all 6 episodes of Star Wars, although it wasn’t done back-to-back. That’s probably a good thing, since I would’ve spent approx 12 hours 53 mins in front of the telly otherwise. Didn’t really watch much else, but I did manage to catch the video clip of Nizlopi’s The JCB song, which is absolutely adorable and can be watched here.

Watching Star Wars again (despite being told that it’s too mainstream!) does bring back fond memories, and it’s nice to watch the whole saga from a different point of view. I still stick to my earlier conclusions though – R2D2 is the ultimate hero in the entire series, Darth Maul did die like a motherfucker unlike Mace Windu and the romance between Han and Leia was done a heckuva lot more eloquently than the ‘what-the-fuck?’-inducing scenes involving Anakin and Padme.

Romance in everyday reality is so awfully complicated as compared to the movies. You find someone perfect (like I have), and you still come across obstacles of the shittiest kinds. I look at my dearest friends and the joy that they have in their eyes when they’re in love, and something comes along to smash and block the radiance and it’s kinda ironic to have such stumbling blocks when the only intention you have is to be happy.

I must admit that I’m a bit of a contradiction when it comes to movies. On the one hand, I love true-to-life gritty movies, where the good guys do not necessarily win and on the other hand, I love getting myself lost in otherworldly fantasies that may or may reflect the world around us, but is a form of escapism nevertheless. Probably explains why I’m into comics and fantasy novels and the like – it may not be all happy endings, but it does conjure up a world where not everything’s fucked up and you never know, the wizard might wave his wand in the next chapter and everything will be 'happy happy joy joy'.

Bday

As far as b’day celebrations go, the last weekend was pretty good. Definitely a heck of a lot better than getting robbed, which Adzim pointed out happened a good 5 years ago. Only worked for half a day today. Priya had wanted to take boxing day off and I decided to swap with her since I wasn’t planning to do anything during that particular weekend, and in return she’s doing my on-call today. Figured it’d be a nice idea to come back to my room a lil earlier and relax and have a c2c session with Sweetie. Which was what I did this afternoon, along with munching up about half my supply of Julie’s loveletters.

The weekend was quite eventful. Started out on Friday night, where I caught up with W2k, whom I’ve not met since his move to Manchester. Caught with the recent events in each other’s lives, exchanged a bit of gossip and ate a whole lot of southern fried chicken. Yus was around as well, and he’s now playing the role of a caretaker of the girls’ house although the poor bastard is probably going to repeatedly knock his head against the wall sometime soon if he doesn’t find a way to cure his boredom.

Saturday morning was the usual case of running errands and returning back to ‘parade’ my waiter outfit for Sweetie. That was followed by a few hours of trying to keep warm (horrible, horrible weather!). Reem came to pick me up around 7ish, and we proceeded to the Marriott for our X-mas ball.




The dinner itself was a little bland, although the dessert was good. Wasn’t really in the mood to socialise though, so I kept myself entertained by laughing at the antics of drunk folks (and at Jo coughing at her cigar), smiling as I watch Reem get all lovey-dovey with her man, discussing the role of Batman in today’s society with Nav, discussing real estate with the random guy next to me and taking lots of photographs (I tend to catch Reem at her ‘best’ moments). The best bit was catching up with Reem and Jo, obviously. It’s probably been around a couple of months since I’ve last sat down with these two and I realised that I really do miss their company, especially considering how us ‘3 musketeers’ used to hang out loads back in univ. One can’t help but wish that things remain constant with your loved ones but as we’ve all agreed, life’s a heck of a lot more complicated than that.

Rather surprisingly, we ended up in one of the surgeon’s house around 11pm, and we hung around ‘till about 4 in the morning. I can’t say I did the best of jobs in mingling – I was pretty much seated on the sofa with my drink (after drink) throughout the night, listening to the rather good music selection that was blaring out of the B&O sound system. Did participate in the occasional small talk, but I was too tired and too much of a stranger to want to make a proper effort (I guess). Things weren’t too bad considering another house officer vomited all over the surgeon’s leather sofa and the person’s poor other half was quite nervous by the end of it all.




Sunday started off with Elaine’s annual text of wishing me happy b’day a day earlier. It’s a rather amusing tradition of hers, which she does not do on purpose. Slept ‘till late, and hung out with Jo and Reem in town before going off to The Sage to catch Handel’s The Messiah, where I bumpred into Dr Prem as well. It was a great performance, and except for the alto who didn’t seem to have learned the art of brushing her hair (much to Reem’s annoyance), the solos were amazing. Did nod off a couple of times (I blame exhaustion from last night!) but the winner was definitely Jo, who managed to snoozed for a good half hour.

We had dinner at Kublai Khan, which was rather rushed ‘cause there wasn’t much time before I had to catch my train. Once again, it was good catching up with them and by the end of the weekend, I was quite surprised to look back and think of the various topics we’ve covered – from religion to the recent events of our personal lives to Teri Hatcher’s weight loss, although the latter was more a conversation that I listened to rather than participated in.

Prior to all that, I was seated in the back seat of Jo’s car when they presented me with a couple of gifts. Turns out I’m pretty ok at guessing stuff, and the first gift was a replica of a samurai sword (which is something I had showed interest in before). I never would’ve guessed the second gift though. Turns out those 2 had taken a day off to go to the Forbidden Planet when Neil Gaiman was in town back in November. They bought his latest novel, Anansi Boys, and queued up to get him to sign it with a b’day message for me. I had a lump in my throat when I saw this - not because I was ecstatic to have the book with the message in it, but ‘cause I was really touched by the lengths and breadths that they went to get the stuff for me. Didn’t really know what else to do except to give them both a hug, which was rather awkward, as anyone who has tried to hug both the driver and passenger from the backseat can very well tell you.




Also received a dvd of Crash (a brilliant movie that I hope will at least be nominated for the Oscar’s Best Movie Award) from the trio of Shanti, Yus and kakak Dr Siti and a voucher from Imaan, which helped me with my purchase of Star Wars Episode 1, a movie that I never bought ‘cause I thought it was crap. Only reason I’m getting it now is ‘cause I intend to spend Xmas in the sofa, watching all 6 Star Wars movies. Sweetie’s gift will only arrive next year, and although I’m curious as to what it actually is, she’s very good with not giving away hints.

It was also great getting the various SMSes and phone calls, which serves to remind me on an annual basis that although I might not know that many people, I’m truly lucky and blessed to have a number of friends who’re more like family to me- a small number of friends who might be scattered throughout the planet or whom I might meet every week or only every other month or even once a year – but who I know will always be there for me whatever the situation as I’ll be there for them. God, this sounds so bloody soppy. Time for more loveletters.

Countdown

90 minutes until the end of my shift.
3 hours until I grumble about the need of ironing shirts.
19 hours until I meet Sweetie online for a little c2c chat.
2 days until I decide if I should watch The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe in Carlisle. Read this.
5 days until I decide on what Yus and I should do with the girls' house, when they're back home in Malaysia, of course.
6 days until I pick up my tux.
6 days and 2 hours until I parade the tux in front of the webcam for Sweetie to laugh at.
6 days and 6 hours before I attempt to not make a fool out of myself at the Newcastle NHS Trust's Xmas ball.
7 days until I get to watch a performance of Handel's Messiah, one of my favourite compositions of all time.
14 days until I spend Xmas in Edinburgh.
19 days until I curse the fact that I'll be on the night shift over the New Year
20 days before I hopefully get the opportunity to read a few of the books that I've been wanting to read (Michael Crichton's State of Fear and Kafka's The Trial chief among them).
25 days until I leave for a short break in Spain.

Tears n Rain

Bleep!! With the usual amount of dread, I answered my bleep this morning and was groaning inwardly as an SHO gave me a list of jobs to do for patients that weren't my own. Halfway through the list, I came across said SHO surfing the Internet and answering his e-mails. The following conversation then took place:

Me : You don't seem that busy. Would you mind helping me out with the job list you gave me?
SHO : Oh, I've got some important e-mails to reply.
Me : What sort of important e-mails?
SHO : Well, it's mumble mumble. And I'm on-call, so I have to be ready anything.
Me : Eh? If you're putting in a venflon, that's not going to stop you from performing your on-call duty.
SHO : But putting in a venflon is a house-officers job, is it not? It's not mine.
Me : Says who?
SHO : Well, I've got thru housemanship and that's how it is.
Me : No it's not. I know consultants who've taken bloods. And these are not even my patients, they are yours!
SHO : You're on ward cover right? So you have to do all the ward jobs.
Me : And you can't help me?
SHO : I'm busy.

At this point, the SHO would've dropped dead if looks could kill. Dead as a squirrel that's been run over multiple times by a bulldozer. But he continued to stare at the computer monitor, and even more unfortunately, he continued to live.

It's amazing how some individuals can make your workplace a living hell, but others have the tendency to make life that much easier. I guess it's one of the challenges of work to not yell 'Fuck off!' even when you have thorough justification. I have to say that my patience has been stretched pretty close to the limit these past few months and amazingly, I find that I'm considered to be one of the more patient ones.

I'm probably feeling a little more at peace this week. I'm still not in the mood for much though, and last weekend I skipped going for Yo-Yo Ma's recital at the Royal Albert, something that had got me jumping just a few months ago. Instead, I spent an enjoyable time doing nothing at Newcastle and catching up on the Brighton Grove folks. Elly was nice enough to bake a banana cake as a way of cheering me up. Brought over quite a huge amount of goodies over as well, but although I told myself that we'll have enough kuih 'till this time next year, I think I have to take back my word. It'll probably last 'till January, if we're lucky.

The weather is miserable as usual, although the night sky tends to be rather beautiful. The next few weeks will be both miserable and exciting, as I've got an X-mas ball and classical concert just before going on-call on my b'day; and then I'm on nights over the new year before going off on holiday with Radzi. But I look forward to it and now that I've finally bought myself the annual pair of gloves, I wouldn't mind the weather too much!

This is my current fav song:

James Blunt
Tears And Rain

How I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See the liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I had screamed out loud,
Instead I've found no meaning.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,Help me understand the years.
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
How I wish I would save my soul.I'm so cold from fear.

Reminiscing

The following is my attempt at recollecting the events of last week. It's a rather long entry, but heck it's my blog so I'll do as I please.

Friday

The journey back was flavoured with the tinge of excitement and a screwed-up body clock that refused to comprehend the idea of appropriate hours of sleep. Pleading insomnia after a week of nights, I spent the hours munching away happily and walked the few hundred metres that made up the Manchester Airport Duty-Free zone. Bought a bar of Clinique soap for Sweetie (turned out to be the wrong one), a bottle of Wolfblass for my uncle and John Grisham’s latest, The Broker, which I devoured on the flight home. Somehow managed to watch the in-flight shows of Bewitched and Charlie & the Chocolate Factory as well.

Saturday

Touched down a tad early, and having had to endure a rather tiresome conversation with my neighbour, I was eager to get out of the plane. Not to mention the fact that my heart was pounding with anticipation. Sweetie slowed down a little by the heavy downpour, but our grins were miles-wide when we glimpsed each other and after a brief hug and peck on the cheeks, proceeded to walk hand-in-hand to the car park.

Naturally, it was wonderful to see her lovely smile, let my fingers link up with hers, hold her close and breathe in her scent. We spent the first couple of hours just basking in the presence of one another, before we set off for dinner at Jake’s, where I treated myself to some Wagyu steak. We met up with Armijn, Zareen and Shidi and naturally, it was great catching up with my former housemates. They looked quite happy and contented, evidenced by the fact that even Armijn, who has been stick-thin since I’ve known him, appeared a little tembam.

By the end of the night, I was exhausted and was ready to make up for my sleep deprivation. Nevertheless, my heart was beating happily and I was quite literally skipping along with joy.

Sunday

We spent the day at OU, and caught The Exorcism of Emily Rose, a part legal, part horror film that I’d recommend. Lunched at a rather unassuming place called Kluang Station (after the famous makan-place at the Kluang railway station), where I had laksa that had a nice ‘kick’ to it whilst Sweetie had a chicken chop, which was equally famous and equally delicious.

As we loitered about, we stepped into Zara, where I participated in yet another episode of spontaneity in my shopping. Having long searched for a long black coat, I chanced upon one that immediately took my fancy, and to Sweetie’s astonishment, I bought it after having deliberated for about 5 minutes. It is a rather nice coat though, and she does think it’s a rather worthwhile buy.

The rest of the day was spent huddling and cuddling and watching whatever the telly had to offer. There’s nothing better than lazing around with Sweetie and not having a care in the world. Gave Sweetie the gifts I got for her (I’m getting better at not buying weird/crap stuff) and it was a pleasure to see her eyes light up, although she did seem a bit hesitant when I pressed the bulky compilation of Bone into her hands for her to read.

Spent the night having dinner with Jason and catching up on all the gossip of my old Taiping mates.

Monday

Breakfasted together at Paya Serai, which is quite convenient since I tend to be able to have a taste of quite a few traditional dishes that I’ve longed for back in the UK. We went over to OU again, where we finally got to watch Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Even then, we got ourselves Golden seats, as the normal ones that were left were in rather contorting positions.

The movie itself was pretty good. While I doubt it reached the artistic heights of Alfonso Cuaron’s Prisoner of Azkaban, I think it’s the most enjoyable of the Potter movies so far and we were both grinning with the delight at seemingly silly things like the leprechaun dancing in the sky. The acting was fantastic as well, and Ralph Fienne’s portrayal of Voldemort was just perfect.

Tuesday

One of the advantages of having gone home at the end of November was the fact that I managed to catch my little sis during her hols as well. She had just finished her matriculation and was awaiting entry into the main UIA campus, where she’ll be reading law. She seems to be filled with a mixture of excitement and trepidation, but I guess that is normal for anyone entering tertiary education. Unfortunately, my elder sis remained rather busy with a rather important assignment due to be handed in by the end of the week.

The day was spent with Rina, with an equal mixture of loitering and completing mundane stuff e.g. getting my new IC, opening up bank accounts etc. The freedom of having a car to drive around was also renewed and made me think yet again that I should get myself one. Naturally, the pragmatic side of me kicked in within seconds with a resounding ‘No’.

Didn’t get to see much of Sweetie unfortunately, except for a brief hour at noon. Picked her up from work, and the 3 of us headed to A&W for lunch. Root beer float has got to be one of the better beverages that has been invented…

Wednesday

Managed to spend a little more time with Sweetie. Had lunch with her, before borrowing her car to go accompany Rina at the cinema to catch Potter. Rushed back to pick Sweetie up, as she had a meeting to attend.

Whilst she was busy with engineering talks, I decided to get busy with finding some flowers for her, which was a little difficult at 7 o’clock in the evening. It was worth it though, seeing her happy face when I gave her the bouquet. She doesn’t quite like the idea of fresh flowers (they die too soon!) but I give them to her anyway just to see her face light up.

We had dinner at Bella Pasta, which is a busy little establishment at SS2 which serves good Italian food. Munching the deep-fried calamari got us reminiscing about our time in Pisa, where we stumbled upon a little shop that served some great-tasting fresh deep friend seafood which we bought by the packets and took back to the hostel to munch through the night.

Spent the rest of the evening with Prav and EM, chatting over coffee and drinks at a pub in Hartamas. The band that played that evening was superb, with a couple of guys in sandals and bermudas playing some amazing blues which I think would put most M’sian bands to shame. And the guys were bellowing out tunes that were quite amazing to hear, although their portrayal of our request (Van Morrison’s Brown-Eyed Girl) wasn’t exactly what I had hoped for. Still, the guitar playing was phenomenal.

Thursday

Travelled to KL to have lunch with Sweetie as she had a meeting to attend over at Ampang. KFC was the destination of choice, and I couldn’t help but smile as after lunch, I came across a KFC advert asking ‘what’s your KFC moment?’. Marketing does work, apparently.

Rest of the day was spent with Rina over at Midvalley, where I tried to purchase tickets for Zorro, a movie Sweetie was quite keen to watch. Unfortunately, they were not showing it anymore and I decided to get tickets for Just Like Heaven instead. Went home to spend time with the family, and finally got me my usual dose of authentic chinese hokkien mee at our fav place in Subang.

Friday

Sweetie came over to my place early in the morning, and I proceeded to drive us along a winding path up to Bukit Tinggi, which has a resort that attempts to capture the ambience of a little French town. It succeeded to a certain degree – we were quite happy to play along and walk around in the rather romantic atmosphere. Walked up a watch tower (where we enjoyed a good half hour at the top), walked along the streets that were paved with cobblestones, taught Sweetie to play pool, and just generally enjoyed each other’s company on a slow afternoon.

The only downside was the fact that we had to take most of the pics ourselves (thus having lots of pics of either one of us by ourselves or rather skewed pics of the both of us), the overpriced bakery that wasn’t particularly impressive and the fact that the French restaurant that we were wanting to go to was only opening at 7 in the evening. We ended up having lunch at OU, a place we seem to frequent a lot during this visit.

Despite being a little tired, we walked up a little hill to wander around a Japanese garden and a Botanical garden. It was peaceful and quiet, with the unfortunate fact that the spa we were contemplating of visiting was closed. Either that or nobody bothered to answer our calls. All in all, it was a wonderful day (that was cooked up by Sweetie) and I was quite sad to part with her, especially with the knowledge that the week was passing by so quickly and my trip back to England was near.




After having dinner with the family, I went out with a few Taiping buddies (the same folks as before, plus LM), with the rendezvous point being Elaine’s Starbucks at BB. Elaine’s always a star and we spent a good half hour catching up, although she was a little disappointed that Sweetie had not come along (they had met before and Elaine’s been quite taken by her).

After a few drinks, we ended up at Planet Hollywood for some reason that I can no longer recall. Danced a little, made a fool of ourselves a little, and listened to the band belt out a few modern rock anthems. Shout out would be a rather more apt description. The instrumentalists weren’t that bad, but the female vocalists seem quite intent on making themselves hoarse with as much screeching as possible. It would appear that a high-pitched voice along with a few suggestive moves would translate to entertainment.

We had a good time, and by the time I got to bed, it was a little past 4 in the morning. I was probably asleep as soon as my head touched my pillow, especially with my tummy having just been filled by a helping of roti pisang.

Saturday

The dreaded final day of spending time with Sweetie.

Naturally, I left the house rather early to maximise the time spent with her. Was in for a surprise, ‘cause I was taken to her house in the morning, where I had breakfast with the family (some superb kuey teow) and was introduced to 2 members of her family for the first time – opah and Zahlia, angah’s firstborn. Spent a few minutes going over some medication with the former, and a few minutes making funny faces at the latter, which naturally made her screw up her face and cry. She’s a very cute 2-month old, with amazing cheeks that you can’t help but wanna pinch! I naturally get a little nervous when I’m in the presence of Sweetie’s dad, but it’s been a lot better since we bonded over sports during my previous visit and it was the same this time round as we chatted and joked about the latest events.

On either side of a lunch at San Fran’s (we were looking for a Chinese restaurant but they were all non-halal. My suggestion to plead ignorance went unnoticed by Sweetie), we caught Just Like Heaven and another sitting of Potter (yup, I’ve watched it 3 times!). It’s not exactly the best of ideas to catch a romantic comedy just before you say goodbye to your significant other for the next few months. It was a good film though, with a predictable plot but suitable for giggly, romantic outings.

The day was filled with our emotions racing from one extreme to the next. Whilst there were moments of joy and laughter, I guess we couldn’t keep our minds very far away from the fact that this would be the last day we’d spend with each other for quite some time. Depression did set in for a while, although it was momentarily kept at bay as we got each other gifts (a tie for myself and a cute set of pjs for Sweetie).

This was probably the most difficult goodbye so far. Probably ‘cause we’re so close now and we’re such a part of each other that it’s difficult contemplating periods of the other’s absence. I broke down more than once and it wasn’t very much different nor easier for Sweetie either. At the moment I’m racked with guilt for hurting the one person I’ve sworn to do everything I can not to hurt.

Oh, and for some reason which I once again forget, my mum decided to take us to the studio for a family portrait. Needless to say, I wasn’t smiling very much.

Sunday

Went back to England.